TONY PEREZ'S GUIDELINES FOR HIS FACEBOOK FRIENDS FOR THE COMING WEEK (MONDAY, SEPTEMBER 2 - FRIDAY, SEPTEMBER 6, 2024):

1) Don't even bother to make a list of accomplished faculty members for your department, Very soon it will merely become a roster of dead people.

2) Offer more food and candy than usual on the last day of Hungry Ghosts Month.

3) Beware of extreme cold.

4) Envy is a seven-headed Hydra.

5) After someone says no, never ask him again.

6) It is important to keep in good, physical shape.

7) Never invite people you do not like to a gathering.

8) Always be mindful of what tomorrow may bring.

9) Do  not overextend your charity.

10) Favor vegetarian meals.

11) Urban animals cannot survive without human assistance.

12) It is not necessary to have a man Friday.

13) Treat all children, including non-relatives, equally.

14) Some friends are actually burdens.

15) Even candle residue should be disposed of in a dust bin at a crossroads.

16) Never allow others to control you by converting you to their religion.

17) Remember to treat yourself like a very special person.

18) Know and recognize everyone who is loyal to you.