Everyone is a paradox, but not everyone has the intelligence and the courage to live and die accordingly.

Worked an hour on ninth glaze.

Finished reading The Secret of the Lost Necklace, an Enid Blyton trilogy, last night. A good read, actually, especially the third story, The Children of Killiden.

Your Messenger message:

"Magandang araw po, Sir Tony.
Kamamatay lang po ng biyenan kong lalaki. Pinagtirik ko po sya ng kandilang kulay asul nung unang araw, pagkatapos po ay nagtirik naman po ako ng puting kandila kinabukasan.. Ang nakapagtataka po ay nung nangangalahati na po yung kandilang puti ay bigla itong naglaho. Hindi ko po malaman kung saan napunta.. munting patak lang po ang naiwan. "ako, ang anak ko pati po ang nanay ko lang ang nasa bahay po nun at hindi naman po abot ng anak ko ang altar namin. "Hindi ko po malaman kung ano po ang pinapahiwatig sa akin ng pangyayaring yun. May gusto po kayang i-convey ang aking biyenang lalaki. Hindi po kasi kami nagkausap nung mga nakaraang araw bago siya mamahinga."

My reply:

Always look for a logical reason behind everything, before anything else. A rat could have taken away the candle and eaten it. Someone could also have taken it away while sleepwalking.

Do not read supernatural meaning in everything. If a spirit urgently needs to convey a message, it will do so WITH CLARITY and TO THE PERSON CONCERNED. It won't give you puzzles beyond your abilities to solve. And it certainly won't send you to consult psychics. Otherwise it would go directly to the psychics themselves, to save time rather than send you on a detecting adventure.

Finally, your candles are not well-tended and are too big for their glass vessels. I see a lot of residue-wax debris on your altar table. You should always keep your altar clean.

If ever you were remiss in anything, it is that yellow candles are lit for a person who has recently died, and then red candles two years later.

Good morning, Cubao!

The sun is a gold mug filled with good prospects for the day.

Dinner at home with the granddaughters.

Brought some food over to M.'s cafe staff.

Evening shower. Switched from a hot shower to a cold shower in the middle of it all because it's Great-Gatsby-summer hot in Cubao. It felt like my body took an ice-cold drink of water, and it felt good. Wondering why everyone insists on drinking warm water only. Ice-cold water contracts one's muscles and then relaxes them as one's body goes back to its normal temperature, thus exercising those muscles. Constantly drinking warm water, to me, makes one's cells soft and vulnerable and non-adjustable to fluctuations.

As if the sky read this Posting, it drizzled briefly--a heat drizzle, though, rendering the earth hot and thirstier afterward.

Had a Milky Way candy bar and suddenly realized how much I've missed its distinct taste. I recall buying a bar at the Embassy kiosk whenever I felt the need for an energy upper.

Worked an hour on eighth glaze anyway.

End of another workday on the ground floor laundry room and the service passage.

Bought some sticks of barbecue while the granddaughters went to the neighborhood I Love Milk Tea fountain to buy glasses of milk tea to take home.

Now dusk has fallen, marking the end of this Sunday.

Why do many adult, Filipino men sport little boys' haircuts? It's as though they liked their K-12 graduation photos so much and still can't see themselves growing older.

Three-hour, deep tissue massage.

A cup of black oolong tea.

Must stop painting if my masseur shows up.

Lunch at home with W.; Angelique still resting upstairs and Aubrey cleaning her room.

Visited M.'s cafe.

Worked an hour on seventh glaze.

Worked an hour on sixth glaze.

W. reported for work early this morning, and on a Sunday. He must be feeling antsy.

Once we are able to create a small bedroom with its own toilet and bathroom in the rear passage he can  stay there while work is ongoing, instead of commuting. I can also ask Spirit Questors who get stranded during flash floods or who have no relatives to go home to during Easter and Halloween to bunk in there temporarily.

Good morning, Cubao!

The sun is the centerpiece of a big, breakfast buffet.

Ordered deep-fried pork chop with cooked vegetables and saffron rice from M.'s cafe for Angelique's dinner.

Good night, Cubao!

The moon paints her fingernails a pearly white.

Didn't do much painting today because I was out most of the day, but will try to make up for it tomorrow.

Dinner at home alone; granddaughters resting upstairs.

Asked the new waiter to bring some food over to M.'s cafe staff.

Evening chores--a highly relaxing respite from painting. Filled our water tank. Washed dishes and cutlery. Scoured pans. Replenished alkaline water in the ice cube trays. Retrieved my second batch of laundry from the washing machine/spin dryer and hung everything to dry.

An evening shower later, and then to bed with Enid Blyton.

Angelique and Aubrey arrived from their study session in one of their favorite coffee shops. Aubrey is skipping dinner; Angelique will decide what she wants for dinner later.

Worked half an hour on fifth glaze.

Saturday, Saturday

To take a nap or to not take a nap, that is the question.

Saw Angelique and Aubrey off to a study session in one of their favorite coffee shops. Jazz drove them there.

My Former Coworkers Choose Four Sketches Each From My 2004, Art Workbooks

Back from lunch with former Embassy coworkers.

Love is never the same each day. It is a fresh, blank page in the morning, and you have to keep writing on it as best you can until sundown.

You are always the sole author of your love. Not heaven. Not earth. Not Nature. And most certainly not the object of your love, for the object of your love is merely the reader of everything you've written. 

Mga Awit Kay Q.A.


1. Patayin ang mga aranya
Huwag sindihan ang mga lampara
Sa ibabaw ng mga sulatan
Ayaw kong isiping nasilaw ka lang,
Di mo ako tiningnan nang patag
Ang puso mo at malinaw ang mata

Mamahalin kita sa mahabang dilim
Doon hintayin ang pagputok ng araw
Sabay nating masdan, sabay tayo masilaw
Hanggang mabulag sa lahat ng hugis ng
Katotohanan, lahat ng anyong kalupitan
Sa liwanag ng Kalikasan

Paano kita masisilaw
Kung naroon ako sa iyong likuran
At doon ako mamamalagi
At doon ka iibigin, sa iyong likuran
Hanggang mamatay ang araw
Hanggang dumilim na naman


2. Ikaanim Na Pagsubok Ni Haring Salermo Kay Don Juan

Hatinggabi, dinig ko'y hinagpis
Kulog na pumagpag sa ulap
Kidlat na kumiskis sa ulan

Inisip ko, mula iyon sa 'kin
Pero tumingin ako sa puso ko
At walang lumbay roon, pag-ibig lamang

Akala ko, mula sa 'yo
Pero tiyak ko rin namang, hindi
Paano kasi magmumula sa 'yo

Bakit ikaw ang magtatangis
Samantalang ikaw ang naghagis
Sa dagat ng mahiwagang singsing

Ang singsing ang naghinagpis, at ang dagat
At ang kulog, at ang ulap
At ang kidlat, at ang ulan

At ang hatinggabi, at ang susunod pang
Mga hatinggabi, kahit ayaw ko nang marinig
Sa lahat ng panaginip, sa lahat ng daang madilim


3. Sino

ang mahal mo
kaya't di mo 'ko mahal
ang nagmamahal sa 'yo
at ang mahal mo rin

Saan

ang nagmamahal sa 'yo
at siyang mahal mo na
at ang di mo mahal
kahit mahal ka pa

Ano

ang patutunguhan ng mahal mo
at nagmamahal sa 'yo
at saka ng nagmamahal sa 'yo
pero di mo naman mahal

Bakit

ka pa rin mahal
ng di mo mahal

At alin

Sa pag-ibig namin
ang totoong walang hanggan


4. Di kita dadalawin nang walang pahintulot
Pero sasanggain ko ang bawat mong bangungot
Kukumutan kita ng tulog na mahimbing
Kunot ng noo mo'y maingat kong hahaplusin

Paggising mo sa umaga, di ako ang nasa isip
Kundi ang buhay mong napakalayo sa 'kin
Di mo makita, ngiti ko sa hangin
Bulong ng pag-ibig, di mo rin marinig


5. Ikaw ang aking lihim
Walang pangalan, walang uri

Kandadong may susing
Tinapon ko sa bangin

Kahit saliksikin
Di kayang hanapin

Kalawanging susi sa natuyong putik
Isang araw, may pupulot din

Pagtatakhan kung sino'ng nagmay-ari
At kung pulubi ba siya o hari

Pagdating ng araw, wala na itong awit
Sa tinagal ng panahon, ako't ikaw rin

Kayraming lihim na dinala sa libingan
Kayraming langit na walang pintuan


6. Hindi kita iiwan
Kahit paulit-ulit mong isiping
iniwan na kita

O wala nang pagmamahal
Kundi pagtingin
Ng kaibigan lang

Hindi kita iiwan
Sa paghihirap man o sakit
Pag-ibig ko, bubuhayin ka

Hihilom lahat ng sugat mong napala
Sa lahat ng sakuna, kita'y sasagipin
Ngayon, at kahit ako'y wala na


7. Kinalawang ang bakal
Nangitim ang pilak
Nalusaw ang bubungan
Sa lagablab ng araw
Sa dingding, lumagos na ang anay
Nang lumindol, sahig ay bumitak
At ang mga haligi'y ga'no pa kaya
Mananatiling tuwid at matatag

Ganyan din ba ang mga alaala
Natin ngayon sa isa't isa
Paglipas ng mga buwan
At di na matingkad at sariwa
Ang ganda, ang pag-asa
Ang pangarap, ang pantasya

Wala 'kong karapatang angkinin ka
At isilid sa aking engkantadong botelya



8. Noong unang panahon
Ako'y parang si Adam, ikaw, parang si Eva

Sa sumunod na buhay
Ako naman si Eva, ikaw si Adam

Sa sumunod pang buhay
Mag-asawa tayo, pinatay kita

At sa isang sumunod pa
Ako naman ang iyong pinatay

Sa buhay natin sa kasalukuyan
Ano ba'ng bagong pinagkasunduan

Ang dating malapit, ngayo'y sa kalayuan
Ang dating galit, ngayo'y pagmamahal

Ang dating maa'ri, ngayon ay bawal
Ang dating simula, ngayo'y katapusan


9. Maalinsangan kung tanghali
Maginaw ang mga gabi
Ganap lamang kasi ang pag-ibig
Nang dahil sa init-lamig

Minahal kita kahapon
Ngunit, hindi ngayon
Sa makalawa, baka, oo
At hindi na naman, pagkatapos noon

Gumising ka sa pag-ibig
Gayundin sa kawalang-pag-ibig
Mahimbing muli't muli
Ituloy ang pananaginip

Sa panaginip, pag-ibig ay lagi
Ang lahat, anong-tamis
Sa panagimpan, mundo ay langit
Sa pangarap, tapat ang kasi

10. Parang mahal kita pero di ako sigurado

Baka iniibig kita nang di naman tiyak

Mukhang naaakit ako, subalit, di nga kaya?

Tila may gusto ako, lamang, malamang muna

Bubuksan ko na ang puso ko, ngunit, huwag pa

Hahalikan sana kita, itutuloy ko ba?

May damdamin ako, medyo yata

May pagtingin ako sa iyo. Siguro lang.

Your Messenger message:

"Sir Tony, good morning.... "I have to run to you, for a strange happening~ "I cannot get over it. I still cannot wrap my mind around....having mixed emotions about it, too. "Around a week or two, hubby, told me casually about how he found the zipper to the mosquito net open (dawn). He said, he closed it. And went to the CR. Then found it open again, he ignored and left it that way. You probably kept bumping the mosquito he uttered. I listened to him, apprised that I closed the zipper before I went to sleep, dismissed the information; I wondered at the back of my mind, though. "This morning, 4 a.m. (March 7, 2020, Saturday) I woke up from another bad dream. Felt so groggy as I stayed up late ironing clothes till almost 1 a.m. "As I sat up on the bed, it is my habit to check the time right away. As I waited for my head to clear a bit, I looked around. Then saw the zipper of the mosquito net open. I squinted and thought, I am sure I closed this zipper (it's the reason I use a mosquito net--to avoid letting mosquitoes in! I felt annoyed) "I got out of bed, at this time I needed to prepare a milk bottle for our little one. Closed the zipper behind me, and went to another room. There I was still thinking about why the zipper was open. And got to remember hubby found the zipper open, too around almost the same time, days ago. Sat there maybe, for 30 seconds.... "Went back to the room, as I needed to make the bottle --- stopped me in the middle of my tracks --- the zipper --- IS open AGAIN...my hubby's story echoed in my head, and for some reason, I got goosebumps all over. "Stood there like a statue. Then rushed to close the zipper again, a bit shocked, and annoyed because I did not want any mosquito in the net to bite out little one. "I went inside and let our baby have her bottle. I cannot help but stare at the zipper, somehow, waiting for it to slide open but of course it did not. "I waited some more, a little spooked and peeved...nothing. "Sir Tony, I have dismissed a lot of things in this house, ignoring neighbors' talks because as of now, this is our house. But I am worried. Our little baby always kinda 'see' things, too. Aside from this, my 2 kids, and me at other times also have had some experience... sigh. I hope you can enlighten me sir... "Thank you, x"


My reply:

Hello ___________!

I am assuming that you have checked the zipper's being in good condition.

Try slipping a safety pin through the eye of the zipper handle to secure it further, and see what happens.

You can also try changing the mosquito net or have a dressmaker replace the zipper altogether.

If the zipper continues to open without human assistance, I would take it as:

--Having a playful tree spirit in the house, in which case, if there is a huge tree in your yard, place an offering of four kinds of grain (rice, green peas, mung bean, and corn) round the base, allowing the birds and other creatures to partake of them.

--Psychologically, a mosquito net is a symbolic cage. Leaving the zipper open--whether in an unconscious or sleepwalking state or telekinetically--could mean a desire for freedom from being "caged". I suggest taking a bonding vacation with your husband in a private resort.

The sun strolls through earth wielding his gold scepter and wearing his gold ring.

Good morning, Cubao!

Slept nine hours last night.

Night snack. Ordered an egg mayo sandwich and a root beer from M.'s cafe.

Beginning Monday, March 9, M.'s cafe will be open in the morning to serve breakfast. Yes, they'll have brewed coffee.

Dinner at home with Angelique and Jazz; Aubrey still resting upstairs.

Angelique and Jazz swung by the neighborhood grocery.

Asked the new waiter to bring some food over to M.'s cafe staff.

Calling it a day for painting, I think.

Perhaps a goblet of red wine before I go to bed.

Worked half an hour on fourth glaze.

Worked half an hour on third glaze.

Worked half an hour on second glaze.

Worked an hour on first glaze.

Sorry, no visitors will be admitted at this point onward, when I'm glazing.

Worked two hours on twenty-first layer while the granddaughters had lunch in the dining room.

Two cups green tea.

Lunch reunion with former Embassy coworkers tomorrow.

Putting together loose sketches--early works--to give away.

Lunch at home with W.; granddaughters still resting upstairs.

Worked an hour on twentieth layer.

Making up for lost time. I extended my Christmas holiday by two months and didn't do any painting all of January and most of February. Now I'm back in form, and with a vengeance.

An hour and a half morning nap. Woke up because W. arrived to report for work.

I just can't stop painting.

Did my laundry in the washing machine, worked an hour on nineteenth layer, then had a greasy, The Color Purple breakfast.

The sky is a 3,000-piece jigsaw puzzle.

Good morning, Cubao!

Slept like a baby last night and had a pleasant dream set in Vietnam, where I was traveling with two Theology professors and an entire Theology class. I wonder if it will ever happen.

Lit the lamps at our altar table on my elder son Nelson's death anniversary.

Worked an hour on eighteenth layer anyway. Compound tenants carousing in M.'s cafe. I could hear them from the studio area, which is right behind the cafe's center wall.

Frankly, not everyone gets the point of videoke. It is a medium for one to willingly make a fool of oneself without anyone laughing at one's foolishness. If videoke existed only for those who sing beautifully and well, then very few would actually get on it.

Asked Jerome to bring some food over to M.'s cafe staff.

M. has a new waiter. I actually heard M. briefing and training him while I was painting this afternoon.

Good night, Cubao!

The moon sings sweet lullabies to the weary flowers in  the garden.

Dinner at home with Angelique and Aubrey.

Aubrey arrived from university.

End of another workday on the ground floor laundry room and service passage.

Hoping to complete all layers tomorrow and then commence glazing.

Worked an hour on seventeenth layer.

Calling it a day for painting.

Angelique arrived from her study session in one of her favorite coffee shops.

Now waiting for Aubrey to arrive from university.

Worked an hour on sixteenth layer.

Back from jalan-jalan at the center. Bought a few things for Aubrey.

Worked an hour on fifteenth layer.

Lunch at home with Angelique and W.

Worked an hour on fourteenth layer.

Worked an hour on thirteenth layer.

Good morning, Cubao!

The sun turns the leaves of the trees into gemstones of emerald and peridot.

Swung by the neighborhood grocery and bought two cartons of non-fat milk, two cartons of chocolate milk, a bottle of cooking oil, and two pairs of flip-flops. I buy new flip-flops in the month of March for some reason. My spirit guides say that new flip-flops in the month of March open new pathways for me, even if I wear them only at home.

Asked Jerome to bring some food over to M.'s cafe staff.

Good night, Cubao!

The goddess of the moon changes her gossamer robes after every three hours.

Angelique arrived from college and is now taking her dinner in the dining room.

Aubrey arrived from university and dinner out.

Dinner at home alone.

End of another workday on the ground floor laundry room and service passage.

Started reading Enid Blyton's The Secret of the Lost Necklace, a juvenile lit book. Very tame, of course.

For some strange reason I am more relaxed when painting rather than when lying in bed and trying to take a nap.

Worked two hours on twelfth layer.

Afternoon tea with W.

My anak-anakan in literature and art Messaged to say that he got home safely.

An early lunch at home with Angelique and W.

Then went to the center for my monthly meet-up with my anak-anakan in literature and art. He's writing a novel set on an island, and I hope to bring him to Siquijor eventually and give him a special tour of the place.

W. reported for work this morning.

Finished reading Alexander the Great last night. Interesting how different times in history viewed him differently. He WAS quite ruthless, and I cannot understand why some people desire to keep expanding their kingdoms without a single clue that those empires immediately collapse upon their death. Life is not a game of Monopoly.

Commencing another Enid Blyton tonight.

Good morning, Cubao!

A sunbeam is a father's firm hand on your shoulder.

Loving warm, summer nights in which I can lounge in any area on the ground floor with a goblet of red wine and just let the night happen.

M.'s cafe is still alive at this hour.

Worked half an hour on eleventh layer anyway.

A bedtime snack.

And now to bed.

Almost at the end of Alexander the Great.

His long-time lover is dead, and so is he.

Good night, Cubao!

Soft, rondalla music coming from beneath the ground marks an ongoing fairy party.

Aubrey arrived early this evening from university and dinner out.

Dinner at home alone.

Angelique just arrived from college with a take-home dinner. Sat with Angelique while she took her dinner.

Asked Jerome to bring some food over to M.'s cafe staff.

Worked an hour on tenth layer.

Calling it a day for painting.

A cup of green tea.

Worked an hour on ninth layer.

One of the best feelings I frequently have is having thousands of pesos in my wallet to splurge on anything I want, being approached by a very attractive person asking for a date, and then deciding to decline it in favor of having a long, luxurious nap.

Left the house to go jalan-jalan after Angelique took her lunch in the dining room.

Changed money to pay our electric and phone bills.

Had a strawberry banana blizzard. DQ phased out their banana splits!

Worked an hour on eighth layer.

A greasy, The Color Purple breakfast.

Good morning, Cubao!

There is an enchanted sunbeam for every person in this world.

Good night, Cubao!

The night showers blessings on those who wear moonstones.

Angelique and Aubrey arrived from their study session with a take-home dinner.

Aubrey passed by the family dentist's after school. Her braces are now off and she is wearing retainers.

Dinner at home alone.

Asked Jerome to bring some food over to M.'s cafe staff.

Worked half an hour on seventh layer.

Calling it a day for painting.

Worked an hour on sixth layer.

Saw Angelique off to meet up with Aubrey at one of their favorite coffee shops for a study session.

One-hour, afternoon nap.

Worked an hour on fifth layer.

Your Messenger message:

"Goodafternoon po Sir Tony Perez its bee awhile po, wanna ask lang po regardin to Mam ________________ those mga paramdam every night at ______ house til now she can feel it po.

"I say to her dont too think too much po.

"In our ceilin theirs runnin po, we also heard that nmn po its like chasin cats & rats po.

"Even Paniki daw po, let me know po regardin to this matter po. Thank You po!"


My reply:

Hello _______!

You are right, thee is nothing to worry about.

If your ceiling has a crawl space that you have access to, simply strew an entire box of naphthalene balls, a.k.a. moth balls, above the ceiling. That will drive all kinds of creatures away.

Your Messenger message:

"Tony, good eve

"Sorry to message you at this time

"I just woke up from a disturbing dream

"I was just sitting here, thinking about it

"It was not lucid, but ow do I describe it....it felt and looked so real because the setting was in my room (at present, but in the dream it was supposed to be in my family's) dad was there, it was as if, i went home. Then in the dream, i was lying down the bed, just like the way, i really am positioned before I fell asleep.

"I sleep in a mosquito net, then my brother popped his head in, then whispered in my ear---i will kill you tomorrow. It didnt sink in right away, i had mixed emotions. It was so strong and disturbing, here I am, typing this to you.

"I now remember, this wasn't the first time, I dreamed like this. Years ago, I dreamed he shot me with a gun, and I got hit, too.

"I cannot comprehend the meaning of this dream.

"He is the brother closest to me. We played when we were young, went to discos together when we were teens."


My reply:

Hello __________!

A recurring dream indicates that there is an issue that you have not acted on, that is why your psyche keeps reminding you of it by replaying it over and over again.

In the dreams, your brother is your Masculine Self threatening to overpower your Feminine Self. It is possible that you are too assertive and aggressive with others, and that you should keep your anger and discontent in check.

A father and a brother close to you in your dreams are veiled images of that third man in your life--your husband. Have you been too dominating over your husband? Is he dissatisfied with your relationship with him? Are treating him like a son rather than a husband?

Only you can answer those questions.

A cup of green tea.

Worked an hour on fourth layer.

Lunch at home with Angelique. Her college of law's volleyball team placed first in the championship games last night. The overall champion was Arellano University's college of law volleyball team.

A very late, greasy, The Color Purple breakfast.

Worked half an hour on third layer.

Good morning, Cubao!

When the sun smiles, the earth does not always smile back.

Dinner at home with Aubrey.

Asked Jerome to bring some food over to M.'s cafe staff.

Worked half an hour on second layer.

Saw Angelique and Jazz off to another volleyball game.

Worked half an hour on first layer.

Back from jalan-jalan.

A Great-Gatsby-summer hot afternoon in Cubao.